What Lies Beneath Rattlechain Lagoon?

Sometime in 2014 I was putting together the story of how wildfowl at rattlechain had first been identified to have been exposed/poisoned by the white phosphorus in the lake. Unfortunately whilst Rhodia claimed to be addressing the issue that they had long delayed and denied, so it began to unravel that Sandwell council had murdered 220 Canada geese in two of its parks.

The council were well aware of the rattlechain issue and did absolutely nothing about it. Yet somehow in their bizarre twisted little minds, the geese posed a “health risk” to members of the public and were exterminated- they have still to produce any credible evidence to prove this.

On the other hand our long battle that they undermined with this single action, was proven by the testing of twelve birds consisting of five different species- all exposed to a poisonous substance, proving that their Oldbury business chums had poisoned the birds.

So picking up the threads of where I had left of, I have now started to put together these important pages to stand as a testament to the unfortunate creatures and hopefully give them and the many others that were never retrieved or those  which had shown white phosphorus poisoning symptoms but were never tested some justice.

Part of this is showing up the human incompetence, from a regulatory point of view to how the birds were treated by the then VLA staff, and the poor standard of investigation which transpired.

It is perhaps timely to do this when in the week I saw a dead coot being eaten by a buzzard at the side of the newly profiled North embankment. Who knows what caused its death, it had gone the next day without trace, but it was noted like the many that had gone before.

Let us hope that as more digging has mysteriously appeared on this embankment, that the phos has not awakened, or a portal to attempt to disperse its breakdown products opened.

More bank cover up

So as we take a closer look at Rhodia’s dirty dozen, let’s first look at the incompetence which led to “phosphorus” being tested for in a dead swan and mallard instead of white phosphorus. One would think that scientists would know the difference, but it appears sadly not in this “error of communication”. As ever with all concerning the story of rattlechain lagoon, we only learned of this through persistence and the Freedom of Information Act.

One of the most infamous cases involving the use of phosphorus based rat poison involved Louisa Merrifield. She was the care worker from hell, who ingratiated her way into the affections of an elderly 79 year old cantankerous spinster named Sarah Ricketts and through greed poisoned her to obtain her house. She had managed to change the will of the old woman from Blackpool in her favour just two weeks after moving into the property with her husband Alfred.

Alfred was in fact her third husband and there has to be suspicion that Merrifield had already bumped off the other two elderly husbands whose deaths could not be proved for their money.

A previously convicted fraudster, Merrifield boasted of her good fortune at coming into money and told two people that she had already received a windfall from an old woman who had died- this before her plan had been even commenced. Her husbands name also appeared on the will, and this led to him also being accused of murder.

Merrifield first attempted to get a doctor to affirm that Mrs Ricketts was of sound mind when signing her changed will, which did not work and then began a process of trying to convince others that her employer was seriously ill. One wonders today if she had what is known as having “Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy”, but this psycho babble undermines the intent on which people like Merrifield had.

The dose of phosphorus was delivered in the form of Rodine rat poison , disguised in rum. Alfred had bought a tin from Manchester before Mrs Ricketts death. This was another black mark against him as a potential co-murderer.

The presence of rum disguised the taste of phosphorus. Had she already used the method on her two dead husbands to perfect the technique? Unfortunately for Merrifield her knowledge of phosphorus poisoning was not that good however as she made the mistake of administering more than one cocktail of the substance. In between doses she called a doctor in an attempt to try to prove that the old woman was becoming deathly ill, but as phosphorus poisoning initially gives the impression that someone is recovering, she administered another dose which would be her undoing. For this reason, traces of the second dose would be found.

The doctor refused to sign Mrs Ricketts death certificate, and soon a trail leading to the Merrifield’s and their motive led to their arrests and trial.

The 1953 trial was most interesting in its examination of forensic evidence , particularly in “proving” that phosphorus had caused the death of Mrs Ricketts. We have of course had the same nonsense originally from Rhodia in attempting to “prove” that deaths of wild birds were being caused by the same chemical, and where “small amounts” that could not be found in larger amounts due to the nature of the evanescence of the element , would not be enough to cause death.

An original cutting of the case is shown below, and it is quite amazing that the prosecution witness Dr George Manning took it upon himself to concoct a potion of rum and rat poison and actually put it in his mouth without swallowing it.

Unfortunately no phosphorus traces were found on a spoon found in Merrifield’s bag, and the defence witness, Professor J.M Webster whom amongst other titles was Professor of Forensic medicine and toxicology at the University of Birmingham- (Albright and Wilson “friends”), attempted the ludicrous claim that she had died of natural causes and liver necrosis. It would be interesting to know what method was used in determining the amount “found” in Mrs Ricketts’s system, which of course would not be the amount she actually swallowed.

In an eleven day trial at Manchester Assizes, Louisa Merrifield was found guilty of murder yet her husband was acquitted due to lack of evidence. Bizarrely he was even allowed to inherit half a share of Mrs Rickett’s bungalow from the murder.

An appeal was rejected, and on 18th September 1953, Louisa Merrifield was hanged by Albert Pierrepoint at Strangeways prison.

“You have been convicted on plain evidence of as wicked and cruel a murder as I have ever heard tell of” Mr Justice Glyn -Jones told Merrifield as he had sent her down.

It is with some irony that just ten years later, new legislation would be passed using this exact same word “cruel” to describe the effect of white phosphorus on animals.

Merrifield was of course a very foolish woman, yet with expertise in analytical chemistry, it would be quite possible to poison someone with such a chemical even today, whereby those carrying out such a post mortem would probably have no experience of ever coming across a person whom had ingested white phosphorus without their knowledge.

Perhaps it should not just have been Louisa Merrifield on the scaffold that day but the directors of Albright and Wilson, whose company had manufactured this “cruel poison” which killed Mrs Ricketts. Their poisoning of wildfowl would take  many more years to deduce, with their cocktail containing “toothpaste” instead of rum to disguise the taste.

A while back we reported on Solvay’s big band practice.  A recent press report appears to confirm that The Langley Band have now completed a move into the former police station fronting Trinity Street and are renting a room from the chemicalsters. Yes that’s about the size of the story, with a cake and self promotion chucked in. How many groups/clubs/societies change venue for one reason or another every day of the week? Jeez.

As for the bum note, this is provided by Solvay site director (they used to be called works managers who lied about chemicals coming out of the factory).

Jean-Francois Berthiaume is quoted “Solvay is proud of its historical links with the community.”

Well that’s really interesting that because they were so enamoured with their “historic links” at  Rattlechain that the Belgians chose not to rebrand their logo onto the gates down John’s Lane. THEY REMAIN UNDER THE TARNISHED RHODIA MONIKER.

And lest we forget the immoral conscience of Albright and Wilson the company where so readily its tentacle web of external links polluted minds as well as the environment.

• Let’s remember the “Quaker”  war dodger, whose family company benefitted financially from war, and who attempted to use sub standard camouflage from a sister company instead of official material thus putting selfish profit before the community in Langley .
• Let’s remember a soon to be revealed blog post about a former British Intelligence Officer under their long term employment, whose tours of post war Nazi phosphorus factories would benefit the Quakers coffers, as the burns of a blitzed country still lingered.
• Let’s remember a company who dumped their toxic waste and polluted the canal system for miles around their factory.
• Let’s remember a company who poisoned scores of animals and birds
• Let’s remember a company who tested their chemicals on animals.
• Let’s remember a company whose executives cared little about its employees health and lied to them about the risks associated with the manufacture of dangerous chemicals.
• Let’s not forget these links TO THE COMMUNITY when we remember ALBRIGHT AND WILSON.

 “White phosphorus has three unusual properties: it glows in the dark, it bursts into flames when exposed to air, and it is a deadly poison. Little wonder that it aroused the interest of the early chemists and has left in its wake a trail of minor tragedies and major catastrophes.”

In another post concerning phosphorus, this New Scientist article from June 1977 outlines the story of the discovery of the elemental form by Hennig Brandt and quite a bit more history that has transpired since that fateful first illumination. John Emsley would later write “The shocking history of phosphorus”, alternatively known as “The thirteenth element-A biography of The Devil’s element” for the American market.    This appears to be an early  precis version of this book, but gives compact detail about how white phosphorus has been used both foolishly and with malice.

“Phosphorus firebombs were the most immoral use to which the element has ever been put. These devices played a minor but terrible part in the frenzied urban holocausts inflicted on European and Japanese cities in the latter half of the Second World War. The burns produced by droplets of blazing phosphorus were notorious for their deep penetration, intense pain, and slowness in healing. Deployment of these weapons led to the same feeling of outrage that a later generation expressed about napalm.”

From quack doctors and match making madness to murder and war, Emsley covers it all in this article, with pointers to some environmental incidents as well. Albright and Wilson are of course mentioned, though at this point in history their company was going down the swanny in its own steam. We do learn from the piece that in 1977, production of p4 was at over 2 million tonnes, this just 14 years after the chemical had been banned in Britain for rodenticide use being a “cruel poison” .

Emsley offers a frank account of the chemical which probably did little favour for its manufacturers corporate attempts to paint their industries social responsibility agenda. In 1977 this was important and the spotlight was very much on legal reform of the waste industry in Britain. One can imagine the top brass at Albright and Wilson feeling a little uneasy under the collar when reading such a piece and candid appraisal of their element’s use, deliberately omitted in their company history “100 years of phosphorus making” published 26 years previously.  Unfortunately however appearing in such a title as The New Scientist and before the advent of the internet age the information would not be read at large by the public- the ones that needed to know what that chemical factory down the road in Oldbury and others like them were actually doing with such a chemical on their doorstep.

It would have been good if the West Midlands County Council and in particular the fool of a county waste disposal officer when passing the site licence in December of that year had actually read such an article, and furthermore taken on some of the facts on board.

“There appear to be no environmental implications in the continued use of the site.” was what Ken Harvey decreed , and how wrong he was- totally in every respect.

The final paragraph is perhaps the most telling in relation to Rattlechain and Rhodia/Solvay’s burial of the chemical under water. The bird deaths at the site over the years just open up a can of worms that continue the “shocking history” of the chemical and also the shocking way that those in charge of such sites  appear more in awe of it to be able to stop its wrath.

“Elemental phosphorus played an important part in the development of chemistry since it was a useful starting material for hundreds of new compounds, but to allow it to escape from the laboratory and into the world at large was an act of folly. Today it is safely tamed and back in its cage; but when that cage is a rail tanker holding molten phosphorus (which is how it is transported in the United States for example), one wonders how long it will be before it strikes again.”

For how long will Rhodia Limited be able to contain their beast?

A big thank you to Nyrees and all the gang at Dark City Radio for allowing me the chance to waffle on about Geese, phosphorus and Rattlechain.

It’s difficult to get all the story into a few minutes, especially when going live, but I hope it was done some justice.

The show has now been archived and can be downloaded in case you missed it HERE.

Some links about themes raised

SAVE OUR SANDWELL CANADA GEESE WEBSITE.

LINK TO PETITION TO STOP SANDWELL COUNCIL KILLING BIRDS AND USE NON-LETHAL METHODS OF MANAGEMENT.

WHITE PHOSPHORUS.

AMOUNTS OF WHITE PHOSPHORUS CONTAMINATED MATERIAL DUMPED IN RATTLECHAIN UNDER LICENCE – OFFICIAL ENVIRONMENT AGENCY FIGURES.

Will we ever get to the bottom of it?

Just a quick plug that I will be on the permaculture show with Nyrees this Friday from 9.00pm on Dark City Radio. It’s an internet radio show so you will need to get on the website to listen in. The show has quite a wide range of themes around permaculture and environmental issues that affect us all. Hope to be talking about geese, phosphorus, and of course Rattlechain Lagoon…..

The Good…..

The Bad…..

And The Ugly…….

DARK CITY RADIO.

A former resident of Wimbledon has fallen on hard times. As a forerunner to David Cameron’s “big society” a London womble has been relocated to Sandwell for housing. Unfortunately what he was promised by the local authority traffickers did not appear to be quite what he expected. This is his story……

A furry outcast refugee,

 Got off the train at Oldbury.

Lost, confused  he needed aid

a home, some food- a job that paid.

As if by magic a fella appeared

His accent was a little weird.

“Hello ah kid, u want a place?”

said the rotund chubby face

“This is a great place to stay

you want a job, it will pay?”

The job flyer add was very clear  

“Litter champion wanted here”

“Oh yes sir thank you very much

I have experience in such.”

“Well this is where you as to crash

in return for pickin up trash.”

A dotted map guided our champ

to where he was to work and camp.

The womble pondered on his way

of the street where he was to stay.

“Nelson”- a name of mystery

An admiral or African history?

Turning the corner he dropped the map

On seeing the giant load of crap

 What a shocker for our guy,

to see a mound , a rotting sty.

Weeds, flies, tyres and bricks

needles and used coverings for pricks.

Tonnes and tonnes of industrial spoil

window frames and piles of soil

The notices were strange to see

amongst the stinking debris

“In this place I cannot exist

I’ve been conned, swindled- pissed!”

Tired and worn he’d lost the plot

he took his scarf and tied a knot

A womble’s tale ends right there

But are you bothered , do you care?

Others live within this hell

they live in shit, it’s called  “Sandwell.”

“New” Dudley Port canal breach 1899 picture comes to light!

There are several pictures of one of Tipton’s most infamous canal legends- the breach of the canal at the site of the Rattlechain Brickworks on September 9th 1899. I believe that this one has not been previously published in any local history book. Please note I am not giving a free pass to anyone to do so, which is why I have chosen to put the website logo over the top. It offers a view from the other side of the breach, actually in what appears to be the pit itself, perhaps from a boat?

On seeing this for the first time after coming into my possession, I at first questioned the authenticity, given both its stark clarity and crisp egg albumen character. But I believe it to be genuine and not a reproduction- it is a real photograph from the time. The figures standing on the emptied canal on either side, appear to match the onlookers seen in other postcards. The upturned boat mentioned to have disappeared into the pit is visible in the centre of the shot, as are the old telegraph poles along the section of the railway line. One can also see smouldering from the embankment which is curious, but can now be explained by further information that has come to light.

Evidential information concerning the depths of the marl pit as it then stood at the time of the breach support the claim that the pit was “100 yards deep”, and not as Rhodia tried to claim when constructing their cover up work reports a few years ago “100 foot deep”. This narrative I believe is one which attempts to deny what happened during the war years and what was buried there at this point. There is a major difference in the two depths, and they cannot both be right.

The Godfrey 1902 map contains the following information.

Another source that I have recently discovered comes from the book Staffordshire by Vivien Bird, and there is a fairly detailed account of the canal burst there.

“Tipton has been described as the ‘Venice Of the Black Country’, and there are still a few oldsters to whom the ‘ninth of the ninth, ninety-nine’ has a significance almost equal to the ‘eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month’ in 1918. On 9 September 1899 Barnett’s breach occurred early on a Saturday morning when 100 yards of canal towpath caved in and the canal began emptying itself through a chasm into the pit. Two iron-boats, full of ashes, were swept through the gap and hurtled down with the torrent. They belonged to Samuel Barnett, whose Rattlechain and Stour Valley brickworks obtained their clay from the marlpit, in which the water rose rapidly as it poured from the canal. Another boat began to race for the breach and only by jumping ashore and cutting the towrope was the boatman able to save himself and the horse. Another , near Dudley Port Station, accelerated its pace to overtake its horse, which followed willy-nilly at an increasing canter, and again the boatman scrambled ashore to arrest the boat’s headlong career by securing rope round a telegraph pole.

The marlhole, 100 yards deep and having a surface boundary of three acres, was quickly filled to the brim. Soon two miles of canal were drained, while six more miles lay muddy and lowered in depth. Locks were eventually closed above and below the breach. In Netherton Tunnel the level was lowered considerably and traffic on 40 miles of canal had to be diverted through the older Dudley Tunnel. Telegraphic communications between Dudley and Birmingham was impeded through the poles being swept away. Damage to canal property was estimated up to £50,000 while the catastrophe cost Mr Barnett about £3,000.”  

This account is possibly informed from a publication of the time called “The Engineer” . A remarkable report of the event is given on page  294 of the September 22nd 1899 edition which also describes how ashes were piled onto the canalside embankment, thus making it highly unstable. This explains the smoke effects in the postcards and the pictures. Together with heavy rain this would undoubtedly have caused a serious failure of the slope. This gives real depth to the events of that day and is easily the most graphic account which I have yet come across. The aftermath of the breach and operation which took place following it are also an important primary source of information. That the article in a respected magazine of the day states that the pit is “100 yards deep” I think should lay to rest the nonsense concerning the shallower depths which only appear to have surfaced during the Albright and Wilson late 20th Century ownership.

“FAILURE OF CANAL BANK.

One of those mishaps to which even the best engineering structures are occasionally liable occurred at four o’clock in the morning on the 9th inst. at Dudley Port, where a canal embankment gave way, occasioning considerable damage, but happily no loss of life. The accident happened on the main waterway, known as the Stour Valley low level, belonging to the Birmingham Canal Company, at a point about midway between Dudley Port and Albion railway stations. The main line of the London and North-Western Railway to Birmingham runs almost parallel with this section of the canal for a considerable distance on the opposite side to that on which the embankment collapsed, and in the immediate vicinity there are several extensive arms of the canal constructed for the use of manufacturers. Close to the scene of the occurrence is Mr. Barnett’s Rattle Chain and Stour Valley Brickworks, which obtain a large proportion of their supply of clay from a marl pit directly opposite to where the canal embankment gave way. Only the towing path intervened between the side of the canal and the edge of the clay pit, and it was at this point that the failure started.

 The gap rapidly increased in size till it was some 100 yards long, and about 80 yards wide, and through it was practically emptied the contents of some six miles length of the canal, including the arms affected. The marl-hole, although, 100 yards deep, and having a surface boundary of about  three acres, was quickly filled to the brim, whilst nearly two  acres of surrounding meadows were also submerged. The torrent swept everything before it, carrying with it thousands of tons of material, washing away the bed of the canal in the vicinity of the breach to a depth of many yards, damaging the towpath on both sides of the canal for a considerable distance on each side of the gap. All along the drained portion of the canal lay boats stranded, some being completely overturned. One boat, fortunately having no occupants, was bent double.

 Some damage was sustained by a section of the permanent way of the adjoining railway, one line being rendered useless for a time  owing to the water washing under the metals and destroying the ballast, whilst both lines were for a short time rendered useless, the traffic during this temporary stoppage being conducted over the Grand Junction line. Under the direction of Mr. Entwistle, district superintendent, the work of repairing the damage was speedily commenced, and before long, one of the lines was in a condition to allow the passage of trains without much danger. Telegraph Wires and posts near the scene of the disaster were thrown down owing to the fissures made in the towpath and the rush of water, and throughout the day telegraphic communication between Dudley and Birmingham was considerably impeded.  The officials and men of the canal company got to work as soon as possible, and made strenuous efforts to mitigate the misfortune.

On the arrival of one of the inspectors and a gang of men, steps were at once taken to prevent the canals being drained from further levels. The locks at Ryder’s Green, a mile towards Birmingham, were closed, and so were those above the breach near Dudley Port station, and the flow of water in the main canal was stopped within about two hours and a-half after the outbreak was first observed. Planks were also put across the openings of the arms of the canal, a large quantity of water being impounded in this way. In addition to two miles of the main canal being completely drained, the water in the Netherton tunnel and other branches of the canal was considerably lowered. The canal is about 24ft. wide and 6ft. deep, and· the length of the “low level,” as it is termed, is between thirty and forty miles. A rough estimate places the cost of repairing the whole of the damage at between £40,000 and £50,000; but this is not to be taken as official. It is expected that in a few weeks’ time the gap will be filled up so as to allow of the reconstruction of the canal and of the rebuilding of a firm embankment. With regard to the cause of the mishap, there are various versions extant, and one is that the embankment had been weakened by the blasting operations in the marlpit, which were going on till about a month or so ago, and that ashes have also been tipped on the banks, and these smouldering day by day, helped to loosen the tenacity of the puddle dam of clay which, with a thickness of 3ft., runs along the whole length of the level. Some heavy rainstorms had also occurred not long before the accident, and it is thought that this may perhaps have helped to contribute towards the giving way of the embankment.

On the day after the disaster about fifty men, under the direction of Mr. Nias, assistant engineer, were engaged constructing grooves for stop-planks to enable the working of the locks, above and below the destroyed embankment. By the afternoon a stank was completed at the Dunkirk Stop, about a quarter of a mile on the Birmingham side of the breach, so as to enable the working of the Brades Hall locks and open up traffic on to the Wolverhampton level. The men were afterwards chiefly occupied in putting in a set of stop-planks in the direction of Dudley Port Station, underneath a bridge, about a quarter of a mile on the other side of the chasm, to enable the filling of the Tipton section of the main canal. A stoppage was also constructed at the mouth of the section of the canal leading to Netherton tunnel, and water was let in up to almost the normal depth, allowing of the passage of the company’s boats conveying the material and implements required for the operations the in progress.

The traffic in the Netherton Tunnel section has been resumed, and boats are thus able to get to Wolverhampton and Birmingham via Tipton. The filling of the canal of the main level at the points indicated will allow of the passage of boats to all the works affected by the disaster, with the exception of Mr Barnett’s brickworks.

The Irish mail from Birmingham passed by the scene of the accident just after the water burst through the embankment, and at Dudley Port the engine-driver informed the station officials of what he had observed. A disaster of a very similar character occurred at Deepfields resulting in damage to property amounting to several thousands of pounds, the suspension of work at important iron and steel manufacturing industries employing about 2000 hands, and the stoppage of a large amount of traffic. The havoc wrought on that occasion was brought about by the collapse of a portion of embankment of the canal from Birmingham to Wolverhapmton, and, as in the case of the Dudley Port disaster, the water rushed through the gap into a huge clay-hole owned by Sir Alfred Hickman, creating a chasm twenty yards wide. Satisfaction is being expressed in the district at the energetic manner in which the engineering staff of the Canal Company is coping with the difficulty.

Several views of the gap and canal are given on page 295. Fig. 1 is looking towards Albion, and was  taken from the towing path. The London and North Western railway is seen on one side, and the brickfields and burning bank on the other. Fig. 2 is also taken from the towing path, but looking towards Dudley Port. Fig. 3 shows the railway embankment, and the broken siding. Fig. 4. is taken from the centre of the gap at the bottom looking towards Dudley Port. Our engravings are from  photographs by Mr. T. Lewis, Stratford-road, Birmingham.”

The pictures included in the report are shown below. I have scanned an original version of the magazine and also each picture in turn to show as much detail as possible.

Some constants of time remain which allows one to stand in the shadow of this event over a century later. The mainline Birmingham canal, railway line and Toll end works bridge looking towards Dudley Port have not grown legs, even though the use of the brickwork pit has obviously been of changing nature.

View looking towards “Albion” from Birmingham canal at dawn. The brickworks have gone in the distance and greenery has replaced the ash. Pylons take the place of telegraph lines.

View looking towards Dudley Port. The Toll End works bridge remains as does the railway line. The breach has been repaired from the towpath.

The Engineer article strengthens my opinion that Samuel Barnett was a rogue and conman who made great fortune out of an industry which was profitable at the time but gave little respect for the environment it scarred. He was after all a civic businessman who was  a member of Tipton Urban District Council 1895-1901. There are many websites and local history groups who are what I would term ‘industrial history cocksuckers.’ I’m not apologising for the crudity of expression because eulogising industrialists who could  influence events to their favour by buying it is not in my vocabulary. Making saints out of such people and naming streets after them appears to be another 20th Century phenomenon usually if there is a book to sell or a hidden agenda to promote.

Barnett met his fate at the age of 64 after reportedly falling from a bolting horse on the cart that he was riding in Tividale near The boat pub. His one arm handicap may well explain and have played a part in the accident, but the irony of the demise in context with the imagery of the boat and horse being swallowed up by his breached pit in the accounts above cannot be ignored. Maybe somewhere in Tividale a crater to hell had been dug out by his brickmaking empire and delivered a poetic repose.

A street in Tipton which belies a dark name from history

He left behind him close to £60,000 to William and Thomas Barnett, presumably his sons and solicitor Frank Dawes.

The aftermath of the crater he dug out becoming a repository for chemical and military waste only compounds the manner in which others that followed him have also usurped this area for personal gain. It is almost like Tolkien’s ring of power but one forged of clay. How fitting that the devil’s element found a home and grave there amongst the ashes of industrialism.

There was a boy whose name was Tom,
Who made a high explosive bomb,
By mixing up some iodine
With sugar, flour and plasticine
Then, just to make it smell more queer
He added Daddy’s home-made beer.
He took it off to school one day
And when they all went out to play,
He left it by the radiator
As the heat was getting greater
The mixture in the bomb grew thick
And very soon it seemed to tick
Miss Knight came in and gazed with awe
To see the bomb upon the floor
“Dear me”, she said “it is a bomb,
An object worth escaping from”
She went to Mr Holliday
And said in tones that were not gay,
“Headmaster, this is not much fun
There is a bomb in classroom one!”
“Great snakes” said he, and gave a cough
And said, “I hope it won’t go off!
But on the off chance that it does
I think we’d better call the Fuzz”
A policeman came and said, “Oh, God,
We need the bomb disposal squad
Some firemen and a doctor too,
A helicopter and its crew
And, since I’m shaking in the legs
A cup of tea and hard boiled eggs!”
A bomb disposal engineer
Said, with every sign of fear,
“I’ve not seen one like that before,”
And rushed out, screaming, through the door.
Everyone became more worried
Till Tom, who seemed to be unflurried
Asked what was all the fuss about?
“I’ll pick it up and take it out.”
He tipped the contents down the drain
And peace and quiet reigned again
Tom just smiled and shook his head
And quietly to himself he said:
“Excitement’s what these people seek,
I’ll bring another one next week!”

David Hornsby