It’s been a while since we caught up with our old friend Tramp phosphorus aka Willy Peter who now hides in Rattlechain after fearing for his life from occasional visits from the Oldbury assassins from Trinity Street and then a group of Dutch men around 1o years ago. Luckily they weren’t volleyball players, so the local kids at least were safe.
We found the old scoundrel in surprisingly good form and now transitioning between solid and vapour state.
WLBRL So Tramp, we hear that you have been abroad recently, where did you go?
Tramp It all came as a complete surprise. I received a communique from President Macron himself! He apologised on behalf of the French People and the Fifth Republic for the actions of those blighters from Rhodia. I understand he gave Clamadieu a good dressing down after reading about my plight on your blog.
WLBRL Wow! That’s incredible news, we had Lord Langley read our blog and now a president, we are indeed honoured. So what parlez did he offer you?
Tramp It was a chance to play a part in the opening ceremony of the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad in gay Paris! He said he would fly me out there under water of course and would arrange for it to rain on the night so that I did not give off any garlic smells or spontaneously combust. The only snag was that I had to put on some blue face paint and a few assorted pieces of fruit to conceal my dignity. I said, “Emannie… (we’re on first name terms now), You just try and stop me.”
mesdames et messieurs?
WLBRL So you had a good meal then eh at the last supper?
Tramp Yes there was plenty of meat and two veg dished up by culinary chefs of Michelin status. The French do know how to put on a show. “Très Bien” and “Bon Apetit” I say. I was tempted to have a dip in The Seine, but they said it was too polluted already . LOL.
WLBRL Did you get a chance to hold the flame or carry a torch?
Tramp The plan was that I would link up with Tom (Cruise) at some point in the closing ceremony but it didn’t work out in the schedule. Emmie suggested that they would rename the “Tramps Elysees” in my honour and also give me the Doner.”
WLBRL You mean the Legion D’honneur – the highest merit honour in all of France?
Tramp. No, its called a “sandwich Grec” in Paris
WLBRL So what next, is it true that you are in training to take the place of Tom Daley in the pairs at Los Angeles in four years time?
Tramp Yes, I am practising on the pier at the moment and have completed a double pike with two twists. After LA 2028, everyone will always remember Willy Peter from Oldbury for being the spark that led to the greatest golden shower for GB ever!
WLBRL Well that’s fabulous , we hope it all goes well for you. À beintôt!